screaming and yelling

Have you ever had one of those days when you feel like no one is listening to you - and all you do all day long is yell at your kids --- you yell so much that when they finally do obey you don’t even care? 

Well this week has been one of those days. You just kind of want to rip your hair out, or staple your eye lids to the wall…something really awful and dramatic…

I just don’t understand why it all has to happen at once, ya know. I feel like if it was just once a day or even twice a day – every other day – something, that it would be better and I would feel like a sane person and even a decent mother. But when it happens all the time everyday and it just goes on and on and on you can’t help think that you are either a horrible mother, or you have devil children, or perhaps you just need to reevaluate your priorities or expectations… 

I have to admit that regardless of the reason I usually just feel depressed and as if no one cares about me. Because if they did they would obey – or listen – or eat their food.

It isn’t like you are asking them to clean up their room (because they are 1 and 2 years old) or milk the cow or eat dirt (although they usually enjoy eating that). All I want them to do is be happy – to not whine and to follow simple instructions like; don’t push the buttons on the TV. These are things I know they understand and I know they can refrain from doing them – I know this because as they are looking me in the eye with that willful look, they push the buttons!  

No one had to teach them that – ya know. Good grief. If only our children were born perfect, with bright smiling faces and angelic behavior --- of course, then what would we do with our time? How would we survive with so much happiness in our hearts! Ha. Thank goodness for forgiveness and second chances! For a God who is patient and kind and is able to let go of our sin (once we recognize it and repent of it….even when it takes a sledgehammer to the head to realize it) It makes it more clear – when we look at our own sin, to see why its so hard for our own children to obey. 

Just the other day my husband so graciously extended me forgiveness in such a remarkable way, that it made me realize that I tend to hold on to bitterness, and keep grudges. I had never thought that I was like that – but I am. 

If I am wronged I expect penance (at least hours of groveling) and probably crying and begging and who knows what else (it all depends on the offense). 

However, after spending literally hours trying to fix the leak in our kitchen sink – replacing the faucet and spending lots of time in awkward positions and getting considerably ‘damp’ in the process – our sink was finally fixed. I was so excited to have water that I even wanted to wash the dishes, so I set right too it…. except that I turned the nob the wrong way – I should have known that it was the wrong way because it wouldn’t budge. But I am not a quitter and so I tugged and pulled on that nob until it did what I wanted…. and it did - as well as spray water everywhere and I couldn’t get it to shut off…. Oh yes I did.  

You husbands out there are shaking your heads at me, I know. 

So I realized I hadn’t turned it right and I was able to fix it, but I felt pretty guilty so I went and told Adam because I was afraid it might be leaking again under the sink. So I explained in detail how I had wrenched that poor nob almost off the faucet and told him I was so sorry, and I hoped I didn’t break it  --- and do you know what he did…. He laughed. 

Of course, you who know my husband aren’t too surprised by this – yet in the face of extreme tiredness, after working tirelessly for hours – I told him that I had probably and basically ruined everything, and he laughed. 

Not only that, but he fixed it again so that it turned the way that I wanted it too. Who does that?  I am fairly sure that I don’t, but I know that a true servant does. My husband just let it go, even though he had every right to yell and scream and make me feel horribly bad, he didn’t. 

What a great example of what Christ does for us every minute of everyday. I sure hope that the next time I tell Sophia to refrain from throwing my books over the staircase railing so she can hear them smack on the ground below, and she just stares and continues to do it – that I will be able to discipline her with grace, kindness and in love. That I will let go of the minor offenses done to me and will strive for a home filled with joy and forgiveness.

I know what you are thinking --- how could these children do any wrong!!! You gotta love pictures :) They say that pictures say a thousand words.... I wonder what they would say about  my life..... probably .... 

whew, look at that girl -- you better take several hundred pictures, haha. :)